


For a while

by Bittergum



Category: Hiveswap
Genre: I really don't know what to tag this as, It's just Bronya raising Karako bc I love their whole thing, Not Beta Read, Trying to stick to character, You can rip thoughtful boy Karako hc from my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-03 19:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16332332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bittergum/pseuds/Bittergum
Summary: He was blissfully unaware of his situation, and you wished it could stay that way.





	1. Karako

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I know it's like uhhh closer to 10pm where I am but I really like to write, and I love these two so much.

It wasn’t always easy to tell if purple bloods were… deformed, to put it lightly. They have large horns by nature, so nothing struck you or any of the other jades as critical for a while, even if they were as big as they were when he hatched. It wasn’t until you brought him in to check him out after he had been breathing odd did you notice the problem. Though horns generally weren’t such a big deal after pupation, they were for wrigglers, as they weren’t old enough to really handle the weight, his were different. They were solid and weighty, which was odd, even for a wriggler of his caste, and were actually affecting his ability to breathe. This wouldn’t be a huge problem in itself, as you could just wait for him to pupate, but he was wipes away from that part of his life. The most merciful thing you could do would be to put him out of his misery.

You’ve never been able to do that, though. Not to any little grub you’ve handled. You took him to the infirmary you had hastily thrown together a few birthing cycles ago, hoping with a lot of TLC, things would improve, and he could safely make it the few wipes he needed to. You weren’t going to give up on this guy, not while he had a will to keep living.

Of course, these complications made every day seem to drag by. It was an uphill battle, and the bigger he got (even though it wasn’t by a lot), the bigger the problem was. When you couldn’t feed him supplements anymore, you had to hold his head up while he ate. By the time he was ready to start crawling more, you had fashioned a little support system of sorts, almost like a tiny wheelchair for horns. He was so full of energy, and seemed to build up more and more before he was ready for his trials. That was a good sign, at least.

It came by no surprise that the other jades soon learned about what you did.

The older ones had gently scolded you, while your own age group and younger questioned your reasoning. You apologized profusely, explaining that you really, really couldn’t bare to kill a grub. But he was ok now! He made it! They didn’t really listen to you, a few even going as far to throw some snide comments at you and your little guy. You stubbornly scrunched your face up and scooped him up, getting him ready for his trials. You were so sure then that you’d prove them wrong.

He made it through with little difficulties, much to your relief. You were glad the horn support you had made him had worked, and he could more or less support himself. There were a few moments he almost died during the trials, and each one almost made you faint. Still, afterwards, you boasted a bit, reminding them that you had said he was capable. They more or less blow you off, but you did get a few apologies. You didn’t care at the time, though. You were just so happy he made it. You got him his own sign, and he smiled. He probably didn’t understand the weight of it, being a wiggler and all, but that was ok. He was happy, so you were happy. Happy until you had to let him go, that is.

The process of which a lusus picked their charges had never been so agonizing for you. You had gotten him out with the others, both of you a little reluctant to leave one another, and stood back. At first, you happily noticed that quite a few lusii had been checking him out. Then, you noticed that the small crowd he had once had began to dwindle away, save for the stray one or two he got every so often. That was fine though! The process usually took all night, it was ok. It was ok until it wasn’t.

With only hours left, he was among the last of the bunch. There were more lusii than trolls, though, so he had to get picked eventually. You kept this thought in your mind both because it made sense, and you didn’t know if you could handle what would happen if he didn’t get taken home tonight. That thought had settled into your mind at the beginning of the selections, and it was more strenuous than ever now. While you and two other jades rounded the floor, you had to make a big decision. 

Of course you chose to take him with you. You discreetly ushered him back to your room, setting him gently on a small, hastily thrown together pile of clothes and blankets. Being around so much excitement had tuckered him out, obviously, because he was asleep before you could even leave.

You acted pleasantly surprised when you were informed he “must have gotten scooped up at some point.” You nodded along as they apologized for being rude earlier, then scolded you, asking you never to do that again, unaware that you had been nursing wrigglers back to health for months. You got your dinner all wrapped up from the mess hall and went back to your room, chatting with Lynera about your “little case.” You just chuckled through it, made an excuse why she couldn’t come in, and closed the door.

Your first night was spent having dinner, feeding him, talking to him, and eventually, assigning him a name. This was the first of many problems you would be having with tradition. The lusus was supposed to decide on a name, and you didn’t know what to do. Would it really be ok for you to just… choose it on your own? It didn’t seem like you had much of a choice, though.

So little Karako it was.

When the time came, it took him a little extra effort getting himself all wrapped up, horns once again hindering him. For the next few wipes, you played the waiting game. You’d check on his ‘coon every few hours, waiting patiently for any changes, any signs. They say often that no news is good news, and you had no choice but to cling to that ideology then. As the days slunk by, you found yourself more and more up a wall with anxiety. Sure, he wasn’t taking any more time than most do, but you were still scared he might not be strong enough to pull through.

You were proved so incredibly wrong. He was out very quickly, probably first one to complete his pupation from out of all his hatch mates. You had fallen asleep while watching him and awoke to him pushing himself out of his shell, and you couldn’t be more ecstatic. He crawled over to you on all fours, imitating what he used to do as a grub, before going to stand.

He fell on his ass. It was normal for freshly hatched trolls to fall over a few times, but his issues with balance wouldn’t go away. It seemed his horns were still giving him trouble, which wasn’t good. This put a damper on your previous excitement, but you were still happy nonetheless- your little wriggler had made it. Even if he was getting frustrated and upset about how he couldn’t quite do what he wanted to, he still smiled up at you when you cooed at him. He was blissfully unaware of his situation, and you wished it could stay that way.

It did for a while.


	2. Daraya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm uploading this rlly fast bc I'm tired and I wanna go to bed

Reality came at you fast and hit you hard. It left you on your ass metaphorically and on edge physically, because between keeping Karako a secret for the next sweep and a half and keeping up on your duties, you barely had time to breathe.

You loved it, though, as you took great pride in raising him. Handful as he was, he listened well, and never gave you much grief. He respected your rules and did his best to abide by them. You know even you weren’t that well behaved at his age, and couldn’t complain much when he did, eventually, break a few.

He was developing right on schedule, thankfully. He wasn’t much height wise, as most runty wrigglers turned out to be. But he was relatively healthy, save for a few minor scares here and there, and his inability (or, unwillingness, you weren't sure) to speak. You knew it would help if he could be on the upside, it was just hard to get him out as much as you would’ve liked to in your situation.

He would wander the caverns when everyone else had gone to sleep for the day, though, and seeing as it was really his only time to get out and stretch his legs, it put the both of you on a bit of a different schedule. You didn’t mind, as you were up fairly late most nights anyways. He was careful around the mother grub, but liked to stand by her and try and “communicate.”

The infirmary was another hangout spot he frequented, half because nobody but you ever went there, half because he actually liked playing with the wrigglers. You had taught him about how delicate wrigglers in general were, and that because all of the ones in this room were sick in some way, he had to be twice as careful. He was always very thoughtful when it came to whatever you said, so this was no exception. He nodded along as you went, gently handling the little grubs. You were so proud of him.

His favorite thing was when you would sneak him outside and watch the stars and clouds. There wasn’t a whole lot to do around the entrance of the caverns, but he didn’t seem to mind. He just played around in the dirt. Still, you’d take him around town from time to time, shielding him from the judgmental looks the two of you would get to the best of your abilities. You always thought that was weird-in a planet full of wildly different people, how did they know who to alienate? He didn’t seem to mind all that much if he ever noticed, though, and instead would excitedly urge you on.

You had planned to integrate him into your group of jades when the older ones had left. They would no doubt lose it to find the wriggler you had saved all that time ago had been secretly living in the caverns. You’ve never heard of a jade being kicked out of the caverns before, but you imagine at its worst, you could get culled. But, you and the younger jades aren't as incredibly uptight as they were, and you held on to the hope that they wouldn't get angry about this. You’d make it work.

That’s why it freaked you out so much when Daraya had stumbled upon him.

You were taking one of your early morning walks with him when she walked by. She probably wouldn’t have even noticed the two of you if you hadn’t overreacted. Her eyes went wide at the sight of Karako, and then she directed them at you. She knew what you did.

You took her back to your dorm quickly, not knowing who else was out and about. She followed eagerly, no doubt very interested in how you managed to smuggle the deformed wriggler back to your respite block and care for him for all of these perigrees. 

“You can’t tell anybody.” Is the first thing you say when all of you are alone. She nods along as you explain how you couldn’t leave him to die, and you couldn’t kill him, and that you were, admittedly, very attached now. Every so often she glances over at him, and he smiles at her. It’s obvious she doesn’t fully understand what you mean.

“So you’ve been acting like his lusus?” She asked, tone a bit harsh in disbelief. It was like she was equal parts angry and concerned. She was still young at the time, you guessed, so you can understand why the huge break of tradition was so heavy on her. It was kind of jarring for you, too.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that exactly.” You sighed, nerves on end. Karako, ever observant boy, quietly shuffled over to take hold of your hand. You gave his a firm squeeze.  “Listen, I know it’s hard to understand, but I really don’t know how to explain it any better. I just… I have to watch him. I can’t let him go, especially not now.”

She, nods slowly, staring at the ground for a long time, trying to process the weight of everything you had just told her. You absentmindedly rub your thumb on the back of his hand. He was watching her as she thought, probably excited to meet somebody new, but keeping quiet, reading the overall mood of the room. 

“I don’t get it, but… I’m not gonna tell anyone.” She says, somewhat reluctantly. She wasn’t one for hugs, but you couldn’t help but wrap her up in your arms. She sighed and awkwardly hugged you back. “What are you planning on doing once he’s old enough to start going to church, though?”

Right. Church. You hadn’t thought about that.

She sizes him up for the better part of the hour. She mentioned he was pretty tiny for his age, and how his horns were huge. You nodded along, assuring her he was ok. She asked why he wasn’t talking yet. You told her he’s probably just developing his speech a little slower than average, and it wasn’t anything to worry about. 

“What if he’s just dumb?” She asked. You scold her, reprimanding her for being so rude. But you had considered it yourself-obviously not in that exact phrasing, but what if he had a developmental disability? It wouldn’t help his case at all up top. A tiny, scrawny little high blood who was already so kind, you didn’t know if he could be a subjuggulator, running around without a lusus and unable to speak wouldn’t exactly have a chance out there. 

She would come to bother the two of you from time to time, no doubt excited about your situation, even if she wouldn’t admit it. You were happy to see Karako was getting along well with her, and was very happy to have someone closer to his age to mingle with. She appealed to his wilder side, and they would often pull little, harmless pranks to rile the community up. She had a partner in crime, he had a new playmate. He liked to spend time with her, but always found his way back to you. 

In a way, you guess you really were kind of like his lusus. He might not have been able to speak, but the two of you could talk for hours. The older he got, the more he knew, maybe even more so than most trolls his age. You fed him well, taught him well, and loved him well, preparing him for the harsh realities of Alternia. Realities not even you had to face as often as he would, as you spent the majority of your time down below. 

You figured you should probably start having some harder talks with him, and it might help to seek the guidance of a clown soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Wednesday nights are doable for a consistent update schedule? Idk. Honestly I'm surprised I kept writing this at all.
> 
> Thank you for reading though! I've appreciated every comment, even if I don't respond :0 it means a lot!


	3. Hiatus

Hey! Happy Halloween! Bad news :(

Here's the TLDR version first: College isn't working out, I'm switching career paths, and even though I've set up a promising new future, I have to deal with my dreams of being an engineer dying because I'm not good at math, and it sparked a pretty bad depressive episode in me :/

 

Longer version: 

I started college a few months ago, back in August. I decided to go for Electromechanical Technology, because I've been doing it for three years up to that point at a CTCE school, and I was pretty good. I figured since I liked the field so much, and because it offered a large range of lucrative jobs, I should go for it. It was pretty great at first! Especially since I got to go to my dream school, and do it through the help of multiple scholarships.

The only thing I was hung up on was math. I mean, I obviously got hung up in my major, too, as it was a 4 1/2 hour class, and the workload was heavier than I had anticipated. I'd work hard at it, though, but this unfortunately left me without much time to do the math I was struggling with. I had, apparently, scored so well on the placement test that I was placed in the equivalent to Algebra 2, something I've never done before. I'm very bad at math :(

I also had problems when it came to actually learning. I've dealt with ADHD my whole life (I didn't realize it until I spoke with a councilor early on in High School, though), and as I expected, it really hindered me when I came here. In addition to the obvious problems with organization and attention, I've always been slow (for lack of a better term) when it came to math. 

So I talked to the councilor about what I should do. She recommended getting a proper diagnosis, a treatment, and that I drop my major. I was a bit shaken about dropping, but she assured that it didn't mean I couldn't reapply next year. All would have to do is keep my General Elective grades up enough to keep my grant. This was ok at first-I do really well in most language arts classes, and English Composition has been no exception so far. For math, I've been spending every moment I could get with a tutor. My grade average is only around 60, though, but I was optimistic I could knock it into a 70 at least by the end of this semester.

This interfered with my major's work, though. At first, I thought it wasn't a huge issue, as my teachers knew I would be dropping in November. Unfortunately, the Math was so hard for me, that it quite literally took up every ounce of strength and concentration to push myself through lesson after lesson, and even then, I couldn't finish some of it. I went until I couldn't anymore, and I couldn't get my major work done. This, unfortunately, ruined my chances of reentering the program next fall.

That news alone was devastating enough, but having a serious talk of not pursuing this type of work at all really took me out. Because I'm struggling so much with math, it's unlikely that I'll be able to do anything related to engineering, even if I scrape by this semester. The fact that my best is never going to be good enough to reach my goals is a heavy one, one that's going to weigh on me for a while. 

The bright side is, though, we discussed other career options. Working in writing or art seemed too risky, nursing is too expensive, but I may have found my calling with teaching. I plan to find a new school soon and begin working towards becoming a kindergarten teacher. I plan to enter the work force in around 5 years, but until then, it's all part time jobs and school, and I'm pretty ok with that. 

I love kids. I love working with them, talking to them, everything about them. They're probably the best thing in the world, really, just a bunch of young minds excitedly learning and loving everything for the first time. I can't imagine a greater privilege than to be able to help them grow and develop at such a crucial age. It's so exciting to me. I've always really wanted to be a teacher, I just didn't think it was possible for me.

Even though I'm forging a new, realistic plan, one that I like more than I can put into words, it's still very upsetting to know I can't be an engineer. I was so excited to hop in and build and design and... everything that came with such an incredible job title. I could have been changing the world, but now that that's gone, I have this hole in my heart that won't heal for a long, long time. It's a shame you can't get by on ambition and planning alone. Now I have to go home to the same town, same people who made every day drag by, and that'll probably set my depression off REAL good.

So, with all that, I'm not going to be updating this story for a good while. I might post oneshots here and there, though, as I love Hiveswap, and it's... kind of one of the only things making me happy right now. A lot of my other interests are also on hiatus, or ended, or whatever else, and with all the characters and all, it's easy to cling to. Not that I'm burying myself in fantasy or anything, just relieving some stress. 

Thank you so much for reading though :) I love to write, and the positive feedback has been enough to make me cry at times. I definitely want to finish this one day, but it won't be for a while. Thank you for sticking with me through this, though, it means a lot :)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how many chapters this will have? If I continue it at all, it probably won't be that long. I really wanna get back into writing, and after the feedback on my last fic, I was inspired to start posting a little more. :p I hope y'all like these two as much as I do.


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